Before you argue, ask if they can hear a different view
A personal note on not arguing with someone who can't yet hold a different perspective — and why walking away isn't losing.
Before you argue with someone, ask yourself:
“Is this person mentally mature enough to understand the concept of different perspectives and opinions?”
If not, there is no point to argue.
I used to think every disagreement was worth having out. If someone said something I didn’t agree with, I’d explain, give examples, try again from another angle. Most of the time, nothing changed. We just got louder, or quieter in a bad way, and I went home tired.
These days I ask myself one thing first. Not “am I right?” but “can this person actually hold a different view in their head without feeling attacked?”
That’s not about age or intelligence. Some people can disagree and still stay curious. Others hear a different opinion as a challenge, and then it’s not a conversation anymore. It’s a defence.
If it’s the second one, I don’t argue. I don’t mean I agree with them, or that I’ve given up on the point. I just don’t see the point in spending my energy where it won’t land.
Walking away isn’t losing. Sometimes it’s just me choosing peace over being right in a conversation that was never going to go anywhere.
And sometimes, later, when they’re ready, the conversation happens on its own. Sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, I’m fine with that now.